Songs and Brain Laps

OK, I was listening to a gospel station on my apps.  And a song was playing.  Part of the chorus has the words, “every question will be answered”.  That might even be the title of the song.  I was trying to get some rest but woke with a headache. Some nights I let the app play until it shuts itself down, since the neighbors are rude and let their dog bark nonstop all night.  I kid you not.  As I listen to the music some songs make me shout for joy, some cry, some just lift me up.  But this song got me to laughing.  I can remember when I was in school that there is so much to learn and I was so eager to take all I can in.  I wanted to know everything about anything I was doing.  Maybe I am getting old; because I was thinking how boring life could be for eternity if, as the song says, every question will be answered.

Just think how much time we spend thinking about things.  I know I am supposed to say something like: “I don’t worry, I leave it in the hands of the Son;” or even, “I don’t wonder or worry over why things happen, because it is out of my control. You know, the Lord’s will.”   But heck, I’m a human.  I think about all that stuff.  I even wonder what spending eternity in heaven would be like.  This thought has taken laps in this brain since I was told about that wonderful place.  My thoughts have evolved since childhood.  From wondering what the walls of jasper would look like.  Much less what jasper looks like.  To wondering why the need to have walls.  From will dogs be in heaven, to why do we not wonder about house cats?  Now I think about things like, why do I care what heaven will look like?  Why will I need a mansion? What will I be doing for eternity?  How long is eternity?  Gosh, I thought a year was forever when I was still believing in Santa, now I think why can’t time slow down?  But the “forever” question just makes me gain wrinkles.  Forever, eternity.

Then sometimes I hear or read a comment about why things happen.  Even with my disease I have been asked why, what, why did God do it to you, etc.  Sometimes I just think that I am so fed up with the questions.  Then other times, when I am brought low by extreme pain, I even get angry and wonder if I don’t deserve a break.  But then my mind will walk a little further in thought and I get to thinking, do I really want to know?  I will think: “what good will the “knowing” do for me?”.  Then for some reason I get calmness.  Yep, that question to myself will calm me down and ease my spirit.

Then tonight when I heard this song, like the same times in the past, I laughed to myself.  Do I really want to know everything?  Am I that type of person that cannot appreciate a mystery?  Am I that type of person who needs to be a know-it-all? I don’t want that responsibility to know everything.  Having a high IQ is no fun.  It tends to make you a perfectionist, never being happy, wondering if the decision you make at this moment be a mistake.  My son has a high IQ and it adds as a tag-along the OCD; then he over-thinks things and cannot make decisions for being able to see hundreds of outcomes.  Just witnessing his brain processes, I have decided I don’t want to know everything.

Again, I move along with my thoughts and think will I even care when I get there? Will we still have the feelings of time we have now?  I know they say we will have rest, and not have any needs.  But I like my naps, my strawberries, even flowers and playing in the dirt.  Will we lose those bits that make us an individual, will I even care?

I guess that song really sent this brain into overdrive.  But it still makes me laugh. Why? because sometimes I want to use it when I get bombarded with questions on why I can’t do what I use to.  Or another way that I think about it: what business is it of yours?  That is really what I would be saying if I quoted the song.

So, on the thoughts of forever — I can’t just do nothing or repeat things.  Knowing this, will I be spending time doing nothing?  Will I get dirt to dig in, will I have a hobby?  I have seen the images that portray people in heaven just floating in their monk like white robes.  They look like they are Xanax influenced.  Yep, I don’t think that is a true reflection, but it does add to my questions when this song comes on.  Then when those thoughts pop in about I don’t want to be bored, I just laugh because I really don’t think I will even care.

Songs are one of my brain triggers.  I went from thinking about “heaven” to “eternity” to “knowing every answer”, then back full circle.  A song can also trigger the evil one.  You can be experiencing a joyful moment and he slips a whisper in your brain and it will confuse your joy.  Just as that one song made my brain do laps, it also opened the door to anger about my health.  Our thoughts are the evil one’s tool.  So, when that happens, I do have to tell him to get his lazy self out of my joy.  With this particular song, when the unproductive thoughts wiggle in I just tell the evil one that isn’t it funny how he doesn’t even know everything, and what he will get in his eternity I want nothing to do with.

Oh, mercy, now I am wondering about my readers.  Do you want to know everything?  Do you think you will care what heaven will look like?  Do you ever wonder if the forever might get boring?  I know, I know, that could be taken wrong, but it is thoughts I have.  Do you think we even would care?  Leave me a comment, I know I ain’t the only human whose brain does laps.  Hope you enjoyed running the track with me at 3AM.



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